On Disappointments

July 6, 2006 Thursday of the Thirteenth Week in Ordinary Time
Reading 1 Am 7:10-17 • Responsorial Psalm Ps 19:8, 9, 10, 11

After entering a boat, Jesus made the crossing, and came into his own town. And there people brought to him a paralytic lying on a stretcher. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Courage, child, your sins are forgiven.” At that, some of the scribes said to themselves, “This man is blaspheming.” Jesus knew what they were thinking, and said, “Why do you harbor evil thoughts? Which is easier, to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Rise and walk’? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins”— he then said to the paralytic, “Rise, pick up your stretcher, and go home.” He rose and went home.

When the crowds saw this they were struck with awe and glorified God who had given such authority to men (Mt 9:1-8).


I remember being upset and disappointed.

It happened on the third day of our villa in Tali, Batangas.

I just finished taking an afternoon shower at the second room of the villa house’s uppermost section. I was drying myself, readying for a plethora of after-shower-rituals. When I opened the lavatory’s door, I found myself surprised by the stir that was happening inside the main room. I saw my things booted-out from the flat; my mat folded and pushed to the side; and, my bag yanked inside the closet.

It was really upsetting. And, I was disappointed by it.

In today’s Gospel, I can see the disappointment with which the scribes felt when they heard Jesus say, “Your sins are forgiven.” But Jesus saw the disappointment of their hearts. For Jesus heard the whispers of regret and the sighs of frustrations of the scribes, “This man is blaspheming.” Their stir might be minute but it rippled and was felt by Jesus. He was quick to quip and so he asked, “Why do you harbor evil thoughts?”

Of course, the scribes were a little bit dumbfounded and unable to reply to his inquiry for Jesus had been making miracles here and there. And, we heard it for the past few days the thread of Jesus’s miracles – actually, it is a cycle of nine miracles. I do not think that the scribes would want to make a fool of themselves in front of the people.

Hannah Arrendt paints for us an insight that would help us understand the pamimilipit of the scribes. Hannah said, “Whoever controls the channels of forgiveness of sins in a society controls that society.”

The scribes did recognize that the forgiveness of sins entails an offense against God. That it is a divine activity not proper for ordinary mortals – “this man is blaspheming,” and that they know and were grippingly convinced of. But it is more than that. For the scribes, the stakes are just too high. They could not afford to lose their grip, their power, their control over the very people who congregate to Jesus for healing and forgiveness of sins. They could not just stomach the words of John the Baptist, “He must increase; I must decrease.”

And that I surmise, why they were upset and disappointed.

This might sound comical but I think there is another one who might have felt upset and disappointed too.

It is the paralytic himself. Picture this. A man who has been so used to being carried, cared for, cleaned by others – what could be more comforting than that? If the paralytic was sane enough, I do think he would have realized what he would be giving up for in exchange for two walking legs! Most probably, when Christ ordered him to pick up his mat, he was making some bickers and wrangles.

The truth is this, we are easily disappointed, I do, when things do not go our way. We are easily shaken when our private, comfortable zones are being impinged upon.

But I think there is something bigger than our issues, our incapacities. I think there is something bigger than our own comfort zones.

I have been a Jesuit for the past four years. One of the things that I realized is this – it is far easier to remain on my mat, on my comfort zone. Nothing can be more soothing than being guarded and protected even by my own hurts and pains. At times, I can reason to myself, "he did me wrong… so I will no longer reach out to him." Or, "I was offended with what she did to me… I will make her feel that she does not exist." It is easier for me to remain on my mat, in the comfort of my own pain. It is just hard to forgive the wrong things others did to us. But if there is one grace that I would beg for, it is the deep realization of God's forgiveness.

When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Your sins are forgiven." I think what made it easier for the paralytic to rise and walk is the assurance from Christ that his sins were forgiven.

How many times have I not forgiven others? How many times have I not forgiven myself?

Probably, I can look at Christ like that of the paralytic's and hear the Lord say to me, say to us, "Your sins are forgiven."

Truly, I was disappointed. I was upset. I felt that my privacy was impinged upon. But I realized that there is something bigger than my own privacy, my own comfort zone. I saw it that very same evening when on that same place, we broke the body and shared the blood of that very person who said, “Hey! Pick up your mat. Your sins are forgiven”