The Silence of God

There are times when ones heart wells out ones pains and ones vulnerabilities in front of ones God. There are times too that one just finds God too numb and too empty for words. His silence pains one like a dagger piercing through ones heart. It can feel so lonely. It can lead one to distraught. It can distress the soul.

I felt lonely. I was distraught. I was distressed too.

It happened in a past not so distant. It happened on the very afternoon we renovated our vows. It happened two Mondays ago.

My mother paid me a visit. She intimated to me some of her pressing concerns at home. She shared her troubles and worries.

I love my mother very much. And, I felt so helpless.

When we parted ways, I ran to the chapel. There I cried and shed tears.

I was afraid. I felt distraught. I was distressed.

I was anguishing. I was crying to my God.

God’s silence can be deafening.

I felt lonely.

“Trust in the Lord forever!” Isaiah proclaimed. “Trust in the Lord forever!”

“Teach me to trust You!!!” I prayed. “Teach me to trust You!!!”

Your silence haunts me. I am scared. I am afraid. But Lord, teach me to trust You. Teach me to trust You, I pray You. I burn in my nakedness. I fire up in my very vulnerabilities. Teach me to trust You.

I will listen in the shadow of Your silence.

I will wait for Your Word.

In the stillness of this dying night, I will stay and remain. I will stay waiting for You. I will remain and stand on this ground. This very ground on which You once said, “Do not be afraid. I love you. I will always be with you. Do not be afraid. Trust me.”

I will stay and I will remain waiting for that sweet embrace in the stillness of Your silence.