The Silence of God

There are times when ones heart wells out ones pains and ones vulnerabilities in front of ones God. There are times too that one just finds God too numb and too empty for words. His silence pains one like a dagger piercing through ones heart. It can feel so lonely. It can lead one to distraught. It can distress the soul.

I felt lonely. I was distraught. I was distressed too.

It happened in a past not so distant. It happened on the very afternoon we renovated our vows. It happened two Mondays ago.

My mother paid me a visit. She intimated to me some of her pressing concerns at home. She shared her troubles and worries.

I love my mother very much. And, I felt so helpless.

When we parted ways, I ran to the chapel. There I cried and shed tears.

I was afraid. I felt distraught. I was distressed.

I was anguishing. I was crying to my God.

God’s silence can be deafening.

I felt lonely.

“Trust in the Lord forever!” Isaiah proclaimed. “Trust in the Lord forever!”

“Teach me to trust You!!!” I prayed. “Teach me to trust You!!!”

Your silence haunts me. I am scared. I am afraid. But Lord, teach me to trust You. Teach me to trust You, I pray You. I burn in my nakedness. I fire up in my very vulnerabilities. Teach me to trust You.

I will listen in the shadow of Your silence.

I will wait for Your Word.

In the stillness of this dying night, I will stay and remain. I will stay waiting for You. I will remain and stand on this ground. This very ground on which You once said, “Do not be afraid. I love you. I will always be with you. Do not be afraid. Trust me.”

I will stay and I will remain waiting for that sweet embrace in the stillness of Your silence.

A Mere Illusion

I got this one from a friend way back from my College days.

If you watch the above images from your seat in front of the computer, Mr.Angry is on the left, and Mrs.Calm is on the right.

Get up from your seat, and move back a couple of feet (about 6 feet), and PRESTO!! They switch places!!

I believe this illusion was created by Phillippe G. Schyns and Aude Oliva of the University of Glasgow.

This proves that we may not be seeing what is actually there.

At the Punta

To see two waters raging at each other --
the Pacific's wrath,
the China Sea's anger.
One wonders, when peace and stillness would come?



To be flooded by life's turmoils
To be submerged by ones own boils
I listen to myself,
when would you come --
peace and stillness?



But then, a voice comes
whispering to ones ears
"Be still and be quiet;
I am here. It is I.
Be not afraid."

A Piano Music

I met Kate Ortiz when I, together with Chrys and Eric John, gave a retreat to Musmos last semestral break. Kate has a brother, Angelo. I met him once but I heard his music a lot of times. I listened to eight of his composition, thanks to Kate. There was so much passion in the way he played his music. He glided the eighty-eight white and black keys like a butterfly floating from one flower to the other. His music did not wax on pretension. It reflected a soul -- tranquil, sublime -- yet, was able to maintain a spirit that was both elegant and bouyant. Listening to his music, at least for me, reminded me of the word serenity.

Last November 9, Angelo launched his first album at the Podium in Ortigas. The title was Serenity, the piano music of Angelo Ortiz. I was not able to go there for I was in Tuguegarao with my Community. Good luck to Angelo.

One Happy Thought

I received a message from Errol a few days ago. He shared how happy he was for all the wonderful blessings he received lately. He recounted too how he saw the changes that occured in each of us, his classmates.


The eight of us -- Shio, Monching, Rai, Errol, Koko, Bong, Chester and I -- were together since Pre-noviate days. Our paths merged during the second semester at the Arvisu House. Shio branched from finance; Monching a physical therapist; Rai a Dominican-trained philosopher; Errol was a Jesuit Volunteer; Koko graduated with a degree in Psychology; and, our two engineers -- Bong and Chester.

When our roads did merge, life was never the same. Carrying with us different backgrounds, various stories and a wide horizon of quirks -- our point of convergence was a singular desire. That is the desire to know, to love and to serve our Lord.

That is for me, one happy thought. The thought that in this road that I am taking I have friends to share a laugh with; I have friends to break bread with; I have friends to lean on -- the struggle becomes light. For Christ becomes more real. It is here where I will write less, and let somebody else speak more. For GMH penned,

"I say more: the just man justices;
Keeps grace: that keeps all his goings graces;
Acts in God's eye what in God's eye he is -
Christ - for Christ play in ten thousand places,
Lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not his
To the Father through the features of"

my
friends'
faces.

this one is for kurabsili

one firefly
in the night
shimmers

one xavier olin
forever
scintillates

and i can not but stand
in utter shame
for truly olin's light
brings sight

"ephpheta, ephpheta"
is xave's song for life


check this one out: kurabsili.blogspot.com
the blogger is a very holy man.
no pun intended.

To Pen Or Not To Pen

When left to ourselves, we rather engage with the fancy of things. Fun, laughter, cheer, and, for some, a good beer – these are the things we hold dear. To be beholden by something beyond ourselves and to pen it – that was not something spontaneous for us. It was almost a task, at times Herculean.

When forced to take the dip in the depths, we break our minds and raise our pens. And with fun, laughter, cheer, and, a good beer, our pens pin on that pure, white piece of bond. It pierces. And it reveals that one singular reality – we can write. Yes, we can write – infantile though it may be. But allow us to share that breaking experience. It was like a virginal rupture. It was bloody but very fulfilling.

Watch out for the release of our batch's porfolio.