Les Petit Jesuit

Last June all my computer files from the Novitiate up to the night of May 31, 2005 were inadvertently deleted. All my papers, reflections, write-ups for the past five years were gone at a press of a finger. But last night, I unearthed a soft copy of a sharing I made for our family when I was a first year novice at the Sacred Heart Novitiate. It was August 18, 2002, one Sunday afternoon.


Il est tres simple: on ne voit bien qu’avec le couer. L’essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.

Pardon me for my too pedestrian use of the French language. But I think it best describes my current disposition about the Novitiate life. I lifted it up from St. Exupery’s Les Petit Prince when translated it goes something to this effect: “What is essential is invisible to the eyes. It is only through the heart that one can see rightly.”

My dear parents, eighty long days and eighty sleepless nights passed unnoticed from that eventful shutting, closing, and bolting of Sacred Heart’s Portals. That simple ceremony takes on a very meaningful and very moving life representation. A mother of my fellow primi brother has this to say about that event, “Masakit! Bakit kailangan pang ibagsak ang pinto? Puwede namang simpleng pamamaalam lang. Masakit iyon!”

I for my part felt sad. Sad because I parted ways with the very people whom I love very much and tenderly. I will always keep in my heart the support and love with which my parents gave me. And, seeing my Mama trying to be happy for my decision, made a dent in my heart. Alvin’s tight embrace; Apple’s tears; all these made me feel sad. It is hard to say goodbye.

But the question that surfaces for the time being is, “May pagbabago po bang nangyari? Has there been a significant change in your son? Kamusta po si Mark, si Errol, si Koko?

May mga pagbabago pong nangyari. Tita Emy might remark, “Si Shio nangitim ng konti at pumayat.” Or, Bambi might say, “Si Kuya Chester hindi pumayat.” But my dear friends what I am referring to is the change with which the eye is blinded from. It is the on voit bien qu’avec le couer. L’essentiel est invisible pour les yeux. It is the transformation with which only the heart can see rightly.

Masakit man pong tanggapin sa aming pagkalalake, we shed tears. Yes, we cried because we miss you. Yes, we cried because we miss the happy moments we had with you, our love ones, our precious ones. Tears also flowed from our eyes when Bong-Bong’s father breathed his last. We cried. Umiyak po kami. Humagulgol po kami.

But for the most time, we cried because we have had a taste of God’s divine embrace. The simple whisper of the wind as it kisses our faces, brings us and leads us closer to our God. Even the sound of our cracking voices during morning Masses, consoles us and edifies us. And yes, we found God. We did find him in our ordinary duties – in our de more.

Another transformative experience is to be brought face-to-face with the thing that we fear the most – ourselves. We can no longer escape our problems, our concerns, our issues. If before we have at our pleasurable disposal Orange in Makati Ave. or Suburbia in Malate, and, probably for some of us, Class Mates and Pegasus in Quezon Ave., now all traffic leads to the in most of our being – ourselves, our fears, our anxieties.

Nakakapagod pong kamutin at kalikutin at kalkalin ang mga bagay na gumugulo at bumabagabag sa amin. Mas madaling takasan. Mas madaling talikuran. Mas madaling kalimutan. But our call is not to take the easy path. It is to journey on the road less traversed. This journey is continually inviting us to be aware and to be in touch with our own brokenness, our own woundedness, our own baho, our own basura.

We are not being trained to be masochists. I think Fr. Horacio dela Costa, SJ says it best in his reply to the question of what is it to be a Jesuit. “It is to know that one is a sinner, yet called to be a companion of Jesus, as Ignatius was; Ignatius, who begged the Blessed Virgin to place him with her son, and who then saw the Father himself ask Jesus, carrying his cross, to take this pilgrim into his company.”

Noviceship is a very challenging experience. But the encounter with the Master suffices. For what is essential is not the hurdles or the burden that comes in our way. It is in knowing that Christ reigns in us, in our hearts is enough grace for us to praise, reverence, and serve God, our Lord.